That Arab Hospitality
I was sitting in my living room when a friend picked up a toiletries bag I had from Air Canada and commented that it is nice. My immediate response: “take it if you like it”.
I later reflected on this response. It is a natural one to persons I care about. And one I sincerely mean. In fact, if my friend had taken it, I would have been happier than if (when) she had not.
My reflection however was to try and understand the other side — it must be frustrating to know that every time you casually comment that you like a bag, a dish, or a piece of clothing, the reaction is an offer to take it.
Where did this stem from? I generally believe in deep-seated heritage and cultural stereotypes, so that must apply to me too.
Spending a few minutes asking google resulted in an article where BBC lists Arabs, particularly Iraqis, as the kindest culture. If you google Arabic guest hospitality expressions, you’ll get an article saying ’65 must know expressions if you’re in the hospitality industry’. 65 ways to say ‘welcome’, and those are only the ‘must know’ expressions, per said article.
Why are Arabs known for hospitality? And, if I were to be honest, sometimes irrational hospitality and generosity.
The Arabs originated in Saudi Arabia. At that time it was called the Arabian peninsula. It was (is!) an absolute desert, where they lived in tribes and survived on trade. This meant that men would go away on camels for months on end, and come back with what they’ve traded and made in profit. The way to survive was to share such surplus amongst the tribe, both after a trade and throughout the months men were away. Survival was dependent on sharing amongst the community; the more you gave, the stronger and healthier your tribe was, which built a competitive advantage, given they were always threatened by inter-tribe wars, or attacks by barbarians and trade thieves. The stronger the tribe as a whole is, the higher the chance of survival everyone had.
This, I believe, was the origination of why the trait of generosity became one most revered.
We grew up with stories of historic Arab characters who were known for their generosity. We have proverbs with their examples, we view them as heroes, like noting a person is as smart as Stephen Hawking or as Darwin, we’d say this person is as generous as Hatim (one such example). Arabs compete on who is most hospitable — that’s the trait that built the best community, and the trait that seemed to have survived through the generations.
I recall listening to my grandma as a child, whenever she would critique potential suitors to her single daughter at the time, or her friends’ daughters, with the ultimate worst characteristic being “he’s cheap”. I am still berated by my grandma if I visit Amman without bearing gifts to all my younger cousins.
To be generous is paramount; it is how you show your love, duty to, and respect for your family and friends. So much so, that if you are unable to do so, you feel undeserving of the relationship.
When you visit at an Arab friend’s place, you can expect that your favourite meal would be cooked, your favourite tea there, your favourite dessert, and anything else you might have mentioned at some point in your conversations. Arabs are always on the lookout for what you like, so they can proudly get it for you and continue to earn your friendship.
From the other side, as Arabs, integrating into the western world is a jolt at first. It is disrespectful to an Arab to split a bill — I have never seen such a ‘monstrosity’ until I moved to Canada. Or question why we take gifts every time we visit a friend — often as that may be. That’s just what we saw growing up, what we learned to enjoy, and what we know will make our grandmas proud (clearly the ultimate goal here!).
I am by no mean trying to proclaim to have a ‘solution’ to this (sorry to disappoint anyone reading!). I simply want to shed light on an innate characteristic we either live with or come across, to help us Arabs understand ourselves better and be more cognizant of it being an unusual trait, and to help our non Arab friends take one step further to understanding these seemingly odd habits, and ultimately learn to enjoy basking in the hospitality — after all, as a non Arab, you’re not only being a good friend by doing so, but you’re also doing them a favour by giving them a reason to make those grandmas proud.
